Roommate CMNM - How to get it started without risking offense or making him uncomfortable

[This topic was first brought up on a forum by someone who also posted the same question,)

Is there any way to go about setting up a CMNM (or, for that matter, just plain

NM) scenario with guys you know--without freaking them out? I know a guy or two I might like to have such a scenario with (maybe with some touching or contact but not necessarily any sex), but I don't know how to actually go about approaching the issue in such a way that I don't inadvertently transgress any of their personal boundaries and/or make them uncomfortable.
Like, my roommate, for example. I'd like to be naked around him or with him, but I can't very well say "Hey, dude, can we hang out naked sometime?" That might really weird him out. But, if there were the potential for him to be open to it, it would be something I'd want to do. But, I don't know how to approach the issue at all. I don't how to approach it in a way that I could find out if he'd be open to it without simultaneously risking offending him or making him uncomfortable. Any thoughts?

It's partly going to be 'hard' (lol) for you to pull off (no pun) this scenario if you are not willing to be naked yourself. What I'm saying is -- if you have already been living with roommates and you've not had even any chance for them to see you naked (except just an accidental glimpse) then it probably means that 'nudity' is not (yet) a acceptable part of your 'household' lifestyle or relationship. In order for it to 'happen', you probably need something pretty radical or unusual to cause a change in the status quo. Examples might be: a new roommate (adding another) or exchanging one, or your moving out and finding different roommates- -more accepting or adventurous ones. If that's not an option or you do have an inkling he might be 'ready' and then you shouldn't give up. You can bring 'egg' him along by subtlely and sometimes more drastically forcing the issue and get your naked body seen and maybe his along with it.

By the way, nUdity / cLOthed situations don't have to happen with ONLY people you know -- there are many other kinds of situations so instead of beating a dead horse (lol).. perhaps you need to take up another tactic or seek a new kind of CNMN activity with a set of guys who are more amenable. However, there is a special nature to being naked/clothed with someone who you know, like and can get along with - after all that's one definition of a friend. I realize too that for some people, they 'need' that special bonding with someone, and the CMNM experience may not have much meaning or much excitement if the person is a total stranger. Yet, some guys can only be excited if the person is an unknown stranger. Even luckier when you get to have both. Nonetheless, you've got your objective in mind ... so how do you go about getting to that place where you're both comfortable or at least accepting (i.e. not outraged or embarrassed) by one of you being naked in front of the other?

Tactics for setting the right environment for CMNM and for setting up the sitution with a roommate:

If you going to be living with this roommate a while, there are some ways I can suggest that you can try to set-up CMNM. More than likely you'll just be to getting him and - more likely - yourself) to being nude at certain times when you're together at home. These initial times should be when you are both at ease and relaxed, and then these opportunities can later start get more frequent and perhaps more daring.

Try to come up with natural, unforced occasions when you can get naked in his presence or at least allow him to see you nude. Changing for bed or getting into the shower. In some case, there may be things you can do outside of the apartment/house where nudity would be expected - such as changing at the pool or in a locker room - so that you've seen in other naked where it is expected and inconsequential.

For things to move beyond just such occasional glimpes, you may have to 'set up' some of these

situations -- if it's something that's not been any part of your style of living.
- Such a 'set-up' might be forgetting something like a towel or wash cloth when you're in the shower, or running out of soap or shampoo and having to come out to get some (or one that you just bought but 'forget' to bring with you.
- Use your cellphone to ring (set up the alarm to ring) while you're in the tube and you rush out of the bathroom naked "not knowing he was there" story to grab your phone.


Let him catch you naked a few times innocently.
If you are now walking through the house/apartment nude, then it might seem strange to just start doing so.
So you first have to get him used to seeing you in various states of undress.
Start by coming out with no shirt or lounging around only in your boxes or athletic shorts. Later try to set up more 'naked' situations where he catches you naturally for longer than just a quick glimpse and with more visible exposure of your body and genitals. Be sure to intersperse brief innocent exposures with the longer ones - you don't want to raise anxiety by him beginning to think you are targeting him. Also, it would work best if he's also the naked one at times.
This might be his knocking on your bedroom door (to get something you borrowed or that you share - cordless phone, vacuum cleaner, etc) and then him seeing you naked when you casually answer (call him in ) or even open the door. If you have separate bedrooms and you're nude doing something like trying to untie some knotted shoelaces (and you may have the stereo/TV on) or headphones on (so you can't him knock), it appears totally nature and casual for you both.

Talking about sexuality and the male body

It may be helpful - not only for your friendship with your roommates - but also as a way to get everyone in the the living environment used to commenting on (or even discussions) of the human body (male and female), being male, and acknowledgement of sexual urges and needs. You don't have to describe in exquisite details your own sexual exploits all at once, but at least , you should be able to talk about the basic nature of human sexual needs. The topic surely comes up - -if not from you, then through the media.

References to sexual things often come up in movies and TV sitcoms, even news events, and from other friends, so you or your roommate can offer your own comments, opinions or experiences. "Boy, do I know what he's talking about there." It helps to make the other person feel comfortable knowing that you're willing to express yourself on sexual topics.
This assumes that you're already watching TV or videos together. If you're not even spending that much time together or conversing, it's not going to be so easy to share a nude/clothed lifestyle together.

Other ideas:

1) Start freeballing - that way you'll already be half naked. Your roommate will get used to seeing your cock, balls and butt if you undress where he can see.
2) If he's too uptight, he'll keep looking away or even ask you to dress in your own room. They will give you clues about how to proceed.


3) If this avoidance behavior persists, especially if he mentions it or draws some attention to it (like leaving the room), you could confront him about his being too uptight or too restrictive on your own personal freedom. 4) If he jokes about it, then you could also joke back with him.. 'Try it out, you might like it'. Just be upfront (and clever).. " seeing me naked doesn't bother you, does it?" How would he answer that but say 'No, not at all."
5) Start a new activity that involves him and you -- and the possibility of nudity - swimming for fitness, gym, fitness club, yoga, weekend sports, jogging, weekend trips or day time outing to the lake, beach, etc.
6) Always sleep in the nude so it won't be strange for you to be naked in and around your bedroom, also when you and he get to do some overnight trips or camping, etc.

7) Get a friend (or a bunch of them) who are nudists (or who like being naked or doing naked stuff) and whom you visit or go out with - taking your roommate along. These friends can invite you and your roomie to get naked. Whether he's gay or straight or maybe better when he's with a woman around, the 'pressure' of your friend's request might help him to break down the barriers so he'll actually get nude too. At least, you can accept your nudist friend's invitation - so you'll be naked in front of your roomie.
8) Have a party! Alcohol seems to be a great excuse for getting rid of clothes and inhibitions. Costume or themes parties can make it easier since invitees are already out of their regular attire anyway. Or plan special party games that require the removal of clothes - sometimes a necessity if things get wet.

9) Dare and double-dares will some work -- especially if the other person just needs a good challenge (or a safe excuse) for getting naked.

Below are some additional suggestions offered by others.

 on Sun Nov 23, 2008 7:25 am

Well, with a roommate situation, it can be pretty easy. Just walk from the shower to your room naked. Or, even though you know your roommate is coming home, pretend you didn't and while your naked say something like, "oh sorry, was doing laundry and didn't know you were coming home." Then gauge his reaction. But with others you know, it might be harder to set up an "innocent" situation. If you're looking to arrange something with strangers, craigslist.org is a good place to post.  ----------

 on Mon Dec 01, 2008 7:38 pm

Here's one approach I've used with a new roommate. First, tell them I like to sleep naked. Second, go to the fridge for a drink (or something else you take at bedtime). Go to the fridge naked while he's watching TV or doing some other passive activity--and say something along the way to him, like "Is that movie worth seeing?". After that you'll have some more opportunities to be naked in various situations and (in my experience) he'll eventually follow suit. Whether it leads to sex is more a matter of agreement between the two of you, though a compliment on his "equipment" might foster some action. by Grubernowski

----------

Please add your own ideas / suggestions as a comment.

Roommate CMNM - How to get it started without risking offense or making him uncomfortable

[This topic was first brought up on a forum by someone who also posted the same question,)

Is there any way to go about setting up a CMNM (or, for that matter, just plain

NM) scenario with guys you know--without freaking them out? I know a guy or two I might like to have such a scenario with (maybe with some touching or contact but not necessarily any sex), but I don't know how to actually go about approaching the issue in such a way that I don't inadvertently transgress any of their personal boundaries and/or make them uncomfortable.
Like, my roommate, for example. I'd like to be naked around him or with him, but I can't very well say "Hey, dude, can we hang out naked sometime?" That might really weird him out. But, if there were the potential for him to be open to it, it would be something I'd want to do. But, I don't know how to approach the issue at all. I don't how to approach it in a way that I could find out if he'd be open to it without simultaneously risking offending him or making him uncomfortable. Any thoughts?

It's partly going to be 'hard' (lol) for you to pull off (no pun) this scenario if you are not willing to be naked yourself. What I'm saying is -- if you have already been living with roommates and you've not had even any chance for them to see you naked (except just an accidental glimpse) then it probably means that 'nudity' is not (yet) a acceptable part of your 'household' lifestyle or relationship. In order for it to 'happen', you probably need something pretty radical or unusual to cause a change in the status quo. Examples might be: a new roommate (adding another) or exchanging one, or your moving out and finding different roommates- -more accepting or adventurous ones. If that's not an option or you do have an inkling he might be 'ready' and then you shouldn't give up. You can bring 'egg' him along by subtlely and sometimes more drastically forcing the issue and get your naked body seen and maybe his along with it.

By the way, nUdity / cLOthed situations don't have to happen with ONLY people you know -- there are many other kinds of situations so instead of beating a dead horse (lol).. perhaps you need to take up another tactic or seek a new kind of CNMN activity with a set of guys who are more amenable. However, there is a special nature to being naked/clothed with someone who you know, like and can get along with - after all that's one definition of a friend. I realize too that for some people, they 'need' that special bonding with someone, and the CMNM experience may not have much meaning or much excitement if the person is a total stranger. Yet, some guys can only be excited if the person is an unknown stranger. Even luckier when you get to have both. Nonetheless, you've got your objective in mind ... so how do you go about getting to that place where you're both comfortable or at least accepting (i.e. not outraged or embarrassed) by one of you being naked in front of the other?

Tactics for setting the right environment for CMNM and for setting up the sitution with a roommate:

If you going to be living with this roommate a while, there are some ways I can suggest that you can try to set-up CMNM. More than likely you'll just be to getting him and - more likely - yourself) to being nude at certain times when you're together at home. These initial times should be when you are both at ease and relaxed, and then these opportunities can later start get more frequent and perhaps more daring.

Try to come up with natural, unforced occasions when you can get naked in his presence or at least allow him to see you nude. Changing for bed or getting into the shower. In some case, there may be things you can do outside of the apartment/house where nudity would be expected - such as changing at the pool or in a locker room - so that you've seen in other naked where it is expected and inconsequential.

For things to move beyond just such occasional glimpes, you may have to 'set up' some of these

situations -- if it's something that's not been any part of your style of living.
- Such a 'set-up' might be forgetting something like a towel or wash cloth when you're in the shower, or running out of soap or shampoo and having to come out to get some (or one that you just bought but 'forget' to bring with you.
- Use your cellphone to ring (set up the alarm to ring) while you're in the tube and you rush out of the bathroom naked "not knowing he was there" story to grab your phone.


Let him catch you naked a few times innocently.
If you are now walking through the house/apartment nude, then it might seem strange to just start doing so.
So you first have to get him used to seeing you in various states of undress.
Start by coming out with no shirt or lounging around only in your boxes or athletic shorts. Later try to set up more 'naked' situations where he catches you naturally for longer than just a quick glimpse and with more visible exposure of your body and genitals. Be sure to intersperse brief innocent exposures with the longer ones - you don't want to raise anxiety by him beginning to think you are targeting him. Also, it would work best if he's also the naked one at times.
This might be his knocking on your bedroom door (to get something you borrowed or that you share - cordless phone, vacuum cleaner, etc) and then him seeing you naked when you casually answer (call him in ) or even open the door. If you have separate bedrooms and you're nude doing something like trying to untie some knotted shoelaces (and you may have the stereo/TV on) or headphones on (so you can't him knock), it appears totally nature and casual for you both.

Talking about sexuality and the male body

It may be helpful - not only for your friendship with your roommates - but also as a way to get everyone in the the living environment used to commenting on (or even discussions) of the human body (male and female), being male, and acknowledgement of sexual urges and needs. You don't have to describe in exquisite details your own sexual exploits all at once, but at least , you should be able to talk about the basic nature of human sexual needs. The topic surely comes up - -if not from you, then through the media.

References to sexual things often come up in movies and TV sitcoms, even news events, and from other friends, so you or your roommate can offer your own comments, opinions or experiences. "Boy, do I know what he's talking about there." It helps to make the other person feel comfortable knowing that you're willing to express yourself on sexual topics.
This assumes that you're already watching TV or videos together. If you're not even spending that much time together or conversing, it's not going to be so easy to share a nude/clothed lifestyle together.

Other ideas:

1) Start freeballing - that way you'll already be half naked. Your roommate will get used to seeing your cock, balls and butt if you undress where he can see.
2) If he's too uptight, he'll keep looking away or even ask you to dress in your own room. They will give you clues about how to proceed.


3) If this avoidance behavior persists, especially if he mentions it or draws some attention to it (like leaving the room), you could confront him about his being too uptight or too restrictive on your own personal freedom. 4) If he jokes about it, then you could also joke back with him.. 'Try it out, you might like it'. Just be upfront (and clever).. " seeing me naked doesn't bother you, does it?" How would he answer that but say 'No, not at all."
5) Start a new activity that involves him and you -- and the possibility of nudity - swimming for fitness, gym, fitness club, yoga, weekend sports, jogging, weekend trips or day time outing to the lake, beach, etc.
6) Always sleep in the nude so it won't be strange for you to be naked in and around your bedroom, also when you and he get to do some overnight trips or camping, etc.

7) Get a friend (or a bunch of them) who are nudists (or who like being naked or doing naked stuff) and whom you visit or go out with - taking your roommate along. These friends can invite you and your roomie to get naked. Whether he's gay or straight or maybe better when he's with a woman around, the 'pressure' of your friend's request might help him to break down the barriers so he'll actually get nude too. At least, you can accept your nudist friend's invitation - so you'll be naked in front of your roomie.
8) Have a party! Alcohol seems to be a great excuse for getting rid of clothes and inhibitions. Costume or themes parties can make it easier since invitees are already out of their regular attire anyway. Or plan special party games that require the removal of clothes - sometimes a necessity if things get wet.

9) Dare and double-dares will some work -- especially if the other person just needs a good challenge (or a safe excuse) for getting naked.

Below are some additional suggestions offered by others.

 on Sun Nov 23, 2008 7:25 am

Well, with a roommate situation, it can be pretty easy. Just walk from the shower to your room naked. Or, even though you know your roommate is coming home, pretend you didn't and while your naked say something like, "oh sorry, was doing laundry and didn't know you were coming home." Then gauge his reaction. But with others you know, it might be harder to set up an "innocent" situation. If you're looking to arrange something with strangers, craigslist.org is a good place to post.  ----------

 on Mon Dec 01, 2008 7:38 pm

Here's one approach I've used with a new roommate. First, tell them I like to sleep naked. Second, go to the fridge for a drink (or something else you take at bedtime). Go to the fridge naked while he's watching TV or doing some other passive activity--and say something along the way to him, like "Is that movie worth seeing?". After that you'll have some more opportunities to be naked in various situations and (in my experience) he'll eventually follow suit. Whether it leads to sex is more a matter of agreement between the two of you, though a compliment on his "equipment" might foster some action. by Grubernowski

----------

Please add your own ideas / suggestions as a comment.

Experiencing a Tribe for Real - - Life in a Hostel Environment

Originally posted on Tribe.net Blog
I love hostel stays.

Hostels are really great places for potential and sometimes actual CMNM experiences. More than the erotically suggestive nature, the real chance to meet people from all walks of life and to become authentic -- even if only temporarily - buddies or friends. There is just something about being a fellow sojourner that brings out the 'best' in a person (well.. I think it does for me). I've posted on this topic before but there's not very much reaction - although my take on hosteling (and the pleasure it affords) has changed recently.

In some ways, being on Tribe.net (also some of the other alternative life-style social networking sites ) is a lot like living in a hostel with a set of unique and slightly strange (if not almost perverted) bunk of quirky people. In real life, there aren't that many places - in the modern and average working-man world -- that you can really let your hair down and let your personality and anatomy all hang out (LOL - in a manner of speaking). On a recent stopover trip to NYC, I had intended to stay in a hostel situation. But unfortunately, I couldn't get a reservation at any place I really want to 'experience'. So I settled on another kind of alternative accommodations: the YMCA Club hotels - this time the West Side YMCA.

 I realize I am getting a bit off-subject but it IS directly or indirectly related to CMNM or male-to-

male flashing. Saunas (gay sex clubs/baths) are not totally banned in NYC but it seems that true gay baths ALMOST are- unless you don't count East Side Club or the West Side Club. While I was staying at the West Side YMCA, I visited the West Side Club (no relation, similar name only) on two nights and found it OK enough to go back for more.

They charged an initial membership fee ($15?) but you get a 30-day member's card, which allows

for 5 visits (just pay for a room (or locker). I recommend a room and it's customary to give a tip to the staffer who leads you to your room. There were a variety of men but there was virtually no sex in the corridors or open areas - it was confined to the private rooms with the doors closed -- which was somewhat disappointing.


At West Side Club, the is only one small shower room, and the sauna was not working (or appeared to be closed) - which may be connected to fact that the sauna room was also closed at the West Side YMCA, where I stayed two nights. At the Y, a sign was posted saying that it was closed by order of the City Board of Health. Was it just this one that had not passed inspection or is the NYC Board of Health systematically shutting down all public saunas? Sort of like - cleaning out the porn and prostitutes out of Times Square? Go figure.

I have love staying at hostels - not just for the economy, and also not just because I have an 'excuse' to be naked in front to strangers (which is always fun), but I have found now that they are enjoyable even more for the chance for camaraderie and acceptance from new acquaintances and potential friends.


Initially, I saw it as a way to flash people whose reactions you could see and who can't quite run away. But now, I find that being accepted for being myself is working like a kind of therapy and giving me less reason/compulsion to 'flash' or get naked in front of strangers (not that I ever really did it blatantly anyway - but the fantasy and compulsivity had been growing for the last few years whether I actually acted on it or not).

More recently, I have found that I really enjoy getting to know the people I am 'living' with in the hostel. I guess it comes from my not acting anything but myself -- I feel free to be me - kinky, profane, but passionate, caring, and adventurous too.

 I seemed to be (socially) rewarded for the very things that might be 'pervs' in someone else's book. So I've started to see hostels in a whole new light. Still, there are not all like that. I guess it depends on how long you stay - and whether your roomies are ready and willing to socialize. It also matters whether they are willing to accept your 'uniqueness' (diversity - differences in sexual persuasions - i.e. being gay or a nudist or an exhibitionist.)








Maybe it has everything to do with the location (what hostel, in what city/country, and what the social context is). It was a mixed room for 8 with of them 2 women (who were not together) in Honolulu. We did things together - like going out to clubs, dancing, taking in local sites (North Shore Sunset Beach), swimming and even skinnydipping late on night. Using the same bathroom, shower, watching each other change in the room and at the beach was a kind of therapy -- in one sense. My nudity in the room was either overlooked or just accepted - as was everyone else's. I found I didn't really feel the need to be the perv, who made others leary or uncomfortable (with this group).

I did get naked and erect for the 'benefit' of my opposite bunkmate, but he either didn't care or really didn't notice. Because later, we ended up spending a couple of days together (on another island). 
I guess too that my personality sort of balanced the one overly macho str8 guy who also seemed to like getting nude, too - although seemed possessed with chasing skirt 24/7.

 In that setting, he was more like the 'pervert', a ex-crazed, testosterone-drenched horny dog. So I didn't' need or couldn't take that role. He's been traveling for a year and had had some bad experiences so I guess he was 'acting' out like some kind of kid (which he was at 23). He's lost his travel partner and best friend - who had gotten hooked on drugs while in the Caribbean and had had to be shipped home for hospitalization to the Netherlands). There was some secret intrigue (not me) with some gay hanky panky going on between one of our roomies and a guy next door which complicated things. Why they tried so desperately to cover it up (without much success) was beyond me. Overall, it was a very nice time.

A few weeks later, I spent a night in a hostel in NYC (Gershwin
Hotel has both private and dorm-style rooms). Life was back to normal -meaning -- I didn't even speak to my roomies (two other young men) except in the dark when I came in after 11pm. There was just one roommate in the room and he appeared asleep. I stripped in the darkened room and took a shower, leaving the door unlocked (on purpose). The second roommate came in and opened the door to the bathroom catching me fully nude. When I came out and finished dressing, he was in bed, pretending not to notice. I had to leave early the next morning but gave him a lot to look at that night since we were the ones on the two bottom bunks. While in NYC, I looked up some other possible hostels. I believe that WestSide Inn (107st) was promising.

Are there other hostels or hotels in NYC that anyone can recommend?